Searching for Something

Frustration

2008-04-28T20:01:00.000-07:00

I was there for you when your best friend was always with her boyfriend. I was there for you when you were bored. I was there for you because I was your friend and we had a lot of fun together. We shared the same experiences, the same pasts, but what does that matter now. Now, that you have found someone to be by your side forever, we meet once in a while and have some fun, but that is it. I see you as much as I see some acquaintances. Oh well, we move on I guess. You always said that you liked having just one or two close friends and I guess you have found your friend for life. I wish you the best.

Dartmouth Winter

2007-12-04T13:36:00.000-08:00

Oxfordshire

2007-10-28T11:01:00.001-07:00

En france!

2007-10-27T20:36:00.000-07:00

My favorite cologne...

2007-10-27T20:04:00.000-07:00

Sunday Scribblings: Who else might I have been?

2006-08-06T18:03:00.000-07:00

(from sundayscribblings.blogspot.com)

Who else might I have been? Shall we take a look around campus?

A boy in plaid slouching after his mom with a Whole Foods bag. Old alums, hunched and wizened, smoking cigars as they watch the band set up across the street. A crowd of Ultimate players, shirtless, with hemp necklaces and the necessary parachute cord tied around their wrists. A well-endowed librarian, breathless and panting, clutching printer paper as she hustles across the road, damp circles of sweat sealing her shirt to her back. A girl in short-shorts and a green "Gettin' Lucky in Kentucky" shirt, glancing slying at the boy beside her, wondering whether he also wished this was Kentucky. More old men walk up the street in the classic old man summer uniform of boat shoes, belted khaki shorts, and a white polo, stretched a bit too tightly around the waist.
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Categories: Writing Exercises

tired

2006-08-04T11:40:00.000-07:00

Some days I'm just too tired to go on. Its these days when I cut work early, go home, mail the mail that has been waiting to be mailed, and then just call it a day. Just to realize that I have a lab meeting in 20 min. SIGH...
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Categories: Daily

life and living

2006-05-18T19:06:00.000-07:00

is there a difference?

"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years"

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Categories: Daily

gym love

2006-05-08T13:18:00.000-07:00

I love early mornings at the gym.
The air is still fresh with the smell of bleach, without the heavy stench of sweat and testosterone that invades by noon. The machines are open except for the old professor on the elliptical in the corner left. I plug my headphones in and let CNN drone out the sound of my breathing. Everything is so ordered in gym, the ellipticals in the center, surrounded by a hub of free weights and bench presses. Is it bad that I prefer this world of black plastic and coated metal to the roaming across the hills and valleys of New Hampshire? I love machines that tell you exactly how many miles I have run, machines that calculate my heart rate, strides taken, and calories burned, and everything to the tenth decimal place as well. I feel like I am working out, that I am getting results, because numbers cannot lie. Yet I tell myself that I love the outdoors, I love watching dragonflies hover over stagnant ponds, their wings beating faster then their hearts, I love how ice cracks beneath your shoes in the winter and how ants toil together in lines, never missing a beat. But when it comes down to exercising, I prefer my metal womb, precise and true.

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Categories: Daily

chocolate

2006-05-07T18:15:00.000-07:00

I'm stuffing chocolate in mouth, as much as i can take, in in in. It's sickening sweet, dripping down my throat, coating my tongue. I can't take it, I'm not hungry, yet I stuff it in to try to avoid that which cannot be solved by stuffage. When you think about it, hunger is so easy to solve, the action of eating requires only someway of getting food into mouth. Yet we go hungry, we go hungry because we do not have food, we go hungry because we have no time to eat, we go hungry because we diet, we go hungry because we are not satisfied. I just downed a bar of Hershey's chocolate, yet I am still hungry. Hungry for answers to things that cannot be solved through simple arithmatic or logic. Hungry for somone to tell me what I'm living for, for I have no answers. Is life just a series of moments? Or is there a meaning to the time between conception and death? We are all trying to maximize our happiness, but why do we build and innovate and explore, just to realize that the universe is contracting on us and eventually we and all our people will be nil? Is the act of living, breathing, laughing, loving, enough reason for life? I used to not think so, but perhaps it is. Sometimes I think I can live on that alone, that feeling of utter joy and warmth, when you realize that you are not alone in this stark world of hierachy and frustration. That feeling when you can sit next to someone and share a cup of hot chocolate, watching your reflections multiple into infinity in the mirrors, thinking of nothing, yet content to just be. The one moment where my mind can relax and not think about the future and the past, about things that do not exist, yet I extrapolate them from expressions and words, turning nothing into everything. I know all this, but I still let my imagination serve as the proof, let my mind's mush dictate my life, not my heart. I stuff chocolate into my mouth, hoping to reach back to that moment of warmth and chocolate, where I let my heart grow.
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Categories: Daily